Nothing
by Megami.Ze
Summary: There was a spider in the bath house with Temari, which was why when Sakura walked in Shikamaru went flying through the wall...because of the spider. No, really. Seriously. And no, we weren't high. Or stoned. Or drunk. Just hyper. Shikamari ShikaTema


**Talhofan**: I would just like to point out that this is a collaboration (that's how you spell it right?) Between me and my friend - Sweeterthanhunny.

Sweeterthanhunny: (Yeah that's how you spell it...congrats on spelling _something _right!) Yeah, hi.

**Talhofan**: ... nothing much to say, we are all spent after that last conversation down there '

Sweeterthanhunny: More like argument...

**Talhofan**: ...yeah, don't start with me...

**Both**: Just read the story! We could go on forever!

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****** ...Nothing**

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Once upon a time… ah, screw that – back to the real world.

A number of Konoha ninjas were in Sunagakure for the appointment of the new Kazekage: in other words, Sabaku no Gaara.

This group was composed of Naruto, Sakura, Kiba, Hinata, Neji, Ino, Anko, Kakashi (Hey there should be _some _civilised adults there… well… adults.) Lee, Shino… and of course the lazy-ass pineapple head, Shikamaru Nara.

After the ceremony they were granted some free time. Most of the guys (Excluding Kakashi - he and Anko were off somewhere doing…God knows what. I think it might be safer for our minds, _not_ to try imagine what.) Were at a loss for what to do and so they had congregated on the dust path by the bath houses.

Shino was observing the local Suna insect wildlife in the nearby bushes. The others didn't find this pastime particularly appealing, so Naruto had abducted Hinata and ran off to the nearest ramen shop.

Kankuro and Gaara had decided to join the Konoha ninjas, although they weren't much help in deciding on what the hell to do.

"Dude, where the hell are the girls?" Kiba asked, looking around. There was no sign of any of the female species, let alone any they knew.

Shikamaru shrugged. "It's too troublesome to keep tabs on them. Or anyone, for that matter."

"Hinata is off somewhere with Naruto," Neji supplied.

"As long as they don't destroy my village, I don't care," Gaara declared.

"Ino's shopping, and I think my dear sweet flower blossom Sakura is getting a massage in the spa by the bath house!" Cue good guy pose from Lee.

"Dude, you DO know that Sakura and Sasuke are in a _very serious __**romantic **__relationship, _right?" Kiba pointed out.

"Temari's in the bath house," Kankuro said.

Shikamaru looked up, suddenly interested. "Temari's in the bath house?"

"Uh…yeah…" Kankuro confirmed. Gaara looked at Shikamaru suspiciously.

"…Alone?"

"Yeah…so?"

Shikamaru avoided his gaze. "…Nothing."

About a minute of silence passed.

"Uh… I'll just um… uh… I'm kinda… hungry, so um… I'll just…yeah, bye." Shikamaru whizzed out of sight.

"Well… that was…" Neji started.

"…weird…" Kiba finished.

"Yeah…" Kankuro agreed.

"Since when is Shikamaru hungry?" Lee queried.

"Suspicious…" Gaara muttered to himself.

Silence fell over the group again.

Approximately 20 minutes later, a loud yell was heard from the bath house.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"OH MY GOD!!"

Next thing, Shikamaru came flying through the bath house wall, coming to halt on his back in the middle of the group of guys.

"Troublesome…" he muttered, looking fed up.

The group stared at him, dumbfounded, all equipped with 'what the hell' expressions.

"Temari threw you out didn't she?" Kankuro asked, grinning.

"No… Sakura walked in on us." Shikamaru said climbing up off the ground.

"…walked in on what?" Gaara asked suspiciously, glaring at him.

Shikamaru – now up - froze and glanced at Gaara with frightened eyes.

"… Nothing." He said quickly.

"Shikamaru, let's have a chat, shall we?" Kankuro grinned and followed Shikamaru as he retreated - he figured Kankuro was safer than Gaara, and besides, he didn't seem mad – or sadistic, for that matter.

"Troublesome woman," he muttered.

As soon as Kankuro and Shikamaru were out of sight, Temari came out, re-tying her black kimono.

"Temari, what were you and Nara doing in there?" Gaara demanded.

Temari smirked. "…Nothing."

Gaara narrowed his eyes accusingly. Temari didn't flinch.

Sakura then came charging out through the hole in the wall and skidded to a halt in front of Temari.

"OHMYGOD YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW SHI-" she began excitedly. Temari clamped her hand over the other girl's mouth, effectively cutting her off mid-sentence.

"May I have a word with you, Sakura-_chan_," Temari asked, a slightly evil looking fake smile plastered on her face as she dragged Sakura out of earshot.

The guys watched as Temari pinned Sakura to the wall by her throat. Temari was talking and looking quite threatening while gesticulating wildly in what seemed to be the direction of her fan. Sakura was nodding furiously. Temari let her go, and they walked back to rejoin the guys.

"Sakura, what were you saying?" Gaara asked.

Sakura looked back at Temari, who was leaning against her fan and tapping it menacingly.

"…Nothing," she said, unconvincingly.

"Then why did you scream in the bath house?"

"Um...I…saw…a…spider…" she said.

"Then why was Nara thrown out the bath house?"

"…The spider was… on… his head?" she tried.

"You screamed 'what are you doing' because Nara had a spider on his head?" said Gaara sceptically.

"Yeah…because he…was putting the spider on his head…" Sakura really was a dreadful liar.

"Riiiiiiiiiight……" Gaara wasn't entirely sure whether he believed this or not.

"Sakura, shall we be going now?" Temari 'suggested' (it's not like Sakura really had much of a _choice _in the matter…).

"Sure…" Sakura gave a shaky smile. "I want my Sasuke-kun..." she whimpered under her breath.

Sakura ran off quickly, and Temari went off in search of a certain lazy Leaf nin to finish what they had started.

Ten minutes later, Gaara had an epiphany.

"Wait…" he said slowly, "…why was Nara in the bath house in the first place?"

Silence.

"NARA!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

Kiba and Neji watched the Kazekage race off into the village.

Lee was still thinking. "I still don't get- OH!! SHIKAMARU AND TEMARI WERE SO-"

Kiba and Neji clamped their hands over their ears.

"LEE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SAY IT!!" Kiba yelled.

Neji was just screaming like a little girl.

Shino was… still looking at bugs, completely oblivious to the drama that was occurring around him… Yeah… he really liked bugs… really _really_ liked them…

And on the topic of bugs, there were no spiders in the bath house, but you knew that already, didn't you.

Right?

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**The End**

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**Talhofan**: Uh, yeah... can you please review... took us... how long?!

Sweeterthanhunny: Um...two hours...dude, did it seriously take us that long?? Holy cow!! 0.o

**Talhofan**: Well it didnt help that you kept _hogging_ _my _damn keyboard!

Sweeterthanhunny: Well you can't spell for toffee and it was starting to piss me off!!

**Talhofan**: Well _you _cant type to save your grandma's life!!

Sweeterthanhunny: Geez, I'm not _that _bad!!

**Talhofan**: Coming from the person who just took_ 5_ damn minutes to write that _freaking_ sentance...

Sweeterthanhunny: LIAR!!... and by the way, sentence doesn't have an 'a'... and 'didn't' and 'can't' have apostrophes, dumbass.

**Talhofan**: ...arent you a smart ass... - NOTE THE APOSTROPHE AINT THERE!! - ... Thats it... I'm getting Temari to come whoop your ass...

Sweeterthanhunny: O.O...shit... HA!!_I'll _get Shikamaru to distract her...shouldn't be hard... -NOTE THE APOSTROPHE _IS _THERE!!-

**Talhofan**: Fine... we are evenly matched, let's just publish this thing!! And... I'm just gonna use Temari's fan...

Sweeterthanhunny: 0.o...crap...didn't think of that... yeah, let's jsut publish it already so I can run away...(and you only resort to violence cos you can't think of any comebacks!!)

**Talhofan**: sigh is there any other way to make a better comback ... oh and, HA! You spelt 'just' funny!! ('jsut') I WILL NEVER LET THIS DOWN!

Sweeterthanhunny: Dude, that was a freaking typo, gosh!! (And you once spelt 'vulnerable' 'vanruble'.)

**Talhofan**: I cannot believe you just brought that up... GAH! CAN WE JUST PUBLISH THIS!!

Sweeterthanhunny: Agreed. It's getting to be longer than the story. (One last thing: you left out the 'e' in comeback)

**Talhofan**: TYPO! Bah... We are publishing this now... let's go get some ice cream.

Sweeterthanhunny: ...reveiw?

**Talhofan**: They better... or else... I'll use Temari's fan!!

Sweeterthanhunny: YOSH!! I'm off the hook!


End file.
